The moment of Truth

When she told me that she has found the Jake in her life and Edward is yet to come, I was skeptical and thought too much of Twilight has made her gone insane. The main reason was, however, in Bella's life Edward was the one to come first. And, it was his love and lack of it makes her close to Jake and realize what her relationship with him was. So finding Jake without Edward was meaningless to me! I also thought it was foolish to compare real life with that of fiction.

But I did realize that it is possible to have reflections of fiction on to the real life. Because recently even I realized that I have Edward and Jake in my life too. I have been trying to brush off this thought for a long long time. I didn't want to feel that way. But it is real. Unfortunately a truth I have to conceal in me to the grave.

I was close to this, hmmm let me call him 'Prime', from the beginning of the college. He was a nice guy. Very friendly and helpful. He used to tell everything about him to me and I felt comfortable the same way with him. I was surprised in the start because I have never felt the 'Me' in me so real except in front of him. He seemed to accept me for what I am and supported me so much. It was easy to talk to him, share a joke, or even to confide my fears with him. It all came out so naturally. And I was happy.

And then my dear Mr. Odd came by. In the beginning when I was not accepting Mr. Odd's proposal, he or rather the entire class used to tease saying it was because of Mr. Prime. I used to laugh it off. Later when I became committed, Mr. Prime was happy for me. But slowly and constantly Mr. Odd wanted me to stop all sorts of contact with Prime. I thought he was kidding. But later realized he was not. He is a good friend of mine was all the defence I was able to give him. But Mr. Odd told me something else.

Mr. Prime has had a huge crush on me. He has told this to Mr. Odd when Mr. Odd was not expressing his love for me. So I realized, fine jealousy is the reason. Mr. Odd feared that I was more close to Prime than him. Possessiveness. I hate that word. I tried to make him understand. He refused. So in turn I made Mr. Prime understand. And he did.

Nowadays I don't even see him, though we sit in adjacent desks. But as soon as he enters the class, he sees me. I have noticed it. He smiles at me when I throw glances at him without Mr. Odd's knowledge. He asks my girlfriends whether I am happy. He is really a nice guy. I couldn't completely restrain from talking to him. So when Mr. Odd is not there for like few minutes around, we have bits and pieces of exchanges.

Today we had one such shorty conversation. He directly asked me 'Are you happy?'. I said, 'yes I am'. And inquired why he keeps asking this? He said he finds or feels that Mr. Odd is crushing me with lot of expectations. I am no longer the person who I used to be. The ambitious cheerful Ms. Even who helps all and makes fun is missing he said. Commitment requires sacrifice was all I could reply. He smiled at me. I miss you a lot Even. But as long as you are happy I will stay the way I am, he said and walked away.

It was at that moment I realized that even I have a Jake in my life. But my Edward is lot complicated!! But he is my life! :)

Though I really find this as cheating behind my partner, a very punishable crime in my dictionary, it will last only for few more days till the college closes it doors and we spread our wings to explore the world. After that Mr. Prime shall only remain as a good friend whom I missed in my life!